Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to participate in my share of debates, group discussions and interventions involving men and relationships. Ever so often, a girlfriend and I have sat down, green tea in our hands, wine if she’s buying, and we’ve tried to understand why guys are such assholes. There is nothing more elevating in this world than the power of girl talk and I thrive on it. However ironically so, I’ve got some of the best dating advice from men. Which only confirms what I’ve been saying for over three years now that ‘men are the new women’.
I love my girlfriends and I love our ability to find hope in the most disturbing situations or on the contrary, to blow things completely out of proportion. I love that we are all heart and no mind. But let’s just say I have my inhibitions when I get dating advice from women. Our emotions get the best of us and then there are some of us who are devoid of any. And I’m sure my friends don’t rely on my mumbo-jumbo, like I’ve got my shit together! We’re all in the doldrums and the blind can’t be leading the blind. Off late, I have heard guys give such sound dating advice, they could give Cosmo a run for its money or we could very soon have a Cosmopolitan where it’s all about the men and their problems and I can’t decide which is a bigger travesty. This is a ‘words of wisdom’ post, courtesy unbiased, logic-loving, ‘we take no shit’ boys, some I know, and some of whom I, again, know but only through word of mouth and hearsay and it would be safe to say that they don’t know me back. I can’t even take credit for this post, think of it like a verbatim compilation of sorts. I’m tempted to guarantee confidentiality but well girls talk.
Takes Two To Tango
It takes fucked up women to deal with fucked up men. Fucked up women are everywhere just like fucked up men. While some scream wreck at first glance (wreck by default) the others are a little hard to decipher. To elaborate, these are the ones who don’t know what they want so deductively they don’t know what to expect and so, obviously, they always end up disappointed. Then there are those who are fucked up because they think it is their duty to ‘cope up’. These are the ones that’ll tell you all love is adjustment (guilty as charged). Some will tell you to settle and that all men are the same so effectively you’re just moving on from one ungrateful idiot to another. All in all, they console themselves by assuming the perfect man does not exist. I agree, the perfect man does not and can not exist but the perfect relationship does, only if you know what you want and you don’t settle. The minute you have to console yourself, change yourself or mould yourself is the minute you should walk out. Your relationship is not a job, don’t make it one. Don’t be fucked up.
I Want You To
One too many of my friends have over the years asked me and I quote, “Is he really that dumb! Do I have to spell out every little thing that I want? I thought we had a connection.” We all have connections, unfortunately not telepathic ones. Ask a girl what she wants in a man and you’ll get yourself a memoir, because most women don’t know what they want and most men want such obvious, predictable things, I’m amazed they haven’t come up with a standard contract yet. For me ‘what I want’ changes with my mood and my mood swings so often that I don’t know what I want on an hourly basis all day everyday. A very wise man, or so he’d like to think, suggests making an agenda and putting it forth every morning, the operational phrase being, ‘I want you to…’ I want you to pick me up at the airport, I want you to be more available , I want you to stop talking to that girl, I want you to chop those dreadlocks, I want you to stop being a prick, I want you to stop being a cunt, I want you to not complain when I shop and so on. It actually works. The most shameless man will listen to you when you nag him and bog him down incessantly with ‘I want you to blank blank blank’ (just kidding but fingers crossed). But on a serious note, it does feel great to get it out of your system in a positive way. Rather than wanting something, waiting for someone to realize that something and getting mad when they don’t, I think it works much better when you communicate through words and not cosmic connections.
Live and Let Live
With us girls, we can somehow give up things more easily, because we have this insane ability to justify just about anything in our heads in the name of love. We give up our jobs and dreams, we’ll move to different cities, we’ll abandon friends, hell we’ll even change our hair – all for love. If only we would do all those things for ourselves and not love, then it wouldn’t seem so much of a sacrifice. In a good relationship you shouldn’t have to give up anything or you shouldn’t feel like you are. But if you do sacrifice, make sure you don’t use that to push any hidden agenda. Because it always backfires and you end up looking shady as fuck. “I missed bla bla bla for you, can’t you miss the match” is probably the number one reason for couples fighting worldwide followed by, “I don’t party, why are you partying.” And while you’re certainly allowed to hate his lifestyle/hobbies on the inside, make sure you don’t let that resentment surface. Because believe it or not guys do deal with a lot of our shit. And frankly I’m not going to lose that one person who is obligated to talk to me and listen to my crap 24X7 over a disagreement on lifestyle choices.
This post might offend some women, most women, some men, everybody, I don’t know. But I would like to end by clarifying that I don’t believe in perpetuating stereotypes, this was all in good fun. If you are a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants then more power to you or whatever women empowerment slogan is in vogue these days. And if you are a man who’s got more to his life than soccer, video games, sex and beer and who can also at the same time somehow read minds and keep his girl happy then please come forward and reveal your identity. Last words, this post is for my girls, who reinforce my belief in love every single day. And for the one I love, who has taught me the most important lesson – love is a piece of cake when you love your friend.